Sometimes we may wish to remove someone from our best friends list on social media or messaging apps without fully blocking or unfriending them. This can be a tricky situation to navigate, as you likely still want to remain connected in some capacity but may not want them to have special status as a “best friend.” Here are some tips on how to delicately handle removing someone’s best friend status.
Give Hints First
As a first step, consider giving some subtle hints that you want to change the friendship dynamic before taking any major action. For example, you can start replying a bit less frequently or enthusiastically to their messages and posts. This may signal to them that you want a little more distance without having an overt conversation about it. You can also stop actively liking and commenting on their content. The goal here is to gently downgrade the intimacy levels of your online friendship before you take concrete steps to remove them from your inner circle.
Gradually Interact Less
Another tactic is to slowly reduce how much you interact with this person online over time. For example, if you currently chat with them every day, cut it down to every other day. If you normally reply to all their stories or tweets, start replying to just a fraction of them. The idea is to gradually pull back on the friendship without suddenly going cold turkey on all communication. This gives them the chance to notice your change in behavior and lowered enthusiasm levels. With any luck, they may start to interact with you less frequently too, making the eventual removal of best friend status less jarring.
Designate a New Best Friend
You can also start visibly interacting with another friend more frequently and enthusiastically. Like their posts, comment on their stories, tag them in memes – help shift them into the spot of your new “best friend.” This avoids having to directly tell the original best friend that they are being demoted, but the decreased attention on them paired with increased attention on someone else will help signal the change. Just be careful not to flaunt the new bestie too dramatically, as that can come across as petty or passive aggressive.
Talk About Wanting More Space
When hints don’t seem to be working, you may need to be more direct. Have an honest conversation with them explaining that while you still care, you’re feeling like you need a little more space in the friendship right now. Keep it kind and emphasize that it’s not personal, you’re just going through a phase where you want more time to yourself. This can prep them for your eventual removal of the “best” status and may make it less surprising.
Unfollow Their Account
For social media friendships, consider unfollowing their account first before removing them from your best friends list. This will stop their content from popping up on your feed as frequently. Explain that you’re trying to spend less time on social media these days if they ask why you unfollowed. After a period of limited contact, it may feel more natural to then remove them from your best friends since you’ll hardly be seeing their posts anymore.
Remove from Close Friends Lists
Many platforms like Instagram or Snapchat allow you to designate a select few as close friends. Start by removing this person from your close friends list if they are on it. You can say you’re doing a reset on your inner circle if they notice and feel hurt. This takes things one step down from “best friend” status first. Depending on their reaction, you may be able to stop there, or proceed to the next step of removing them from your best friends as well.
Block Their Viewing of Your Stories
If your primary connection is viewing each other’s Instagram, Snapchat or Facebook stories, you can block them from seeing your stories without unfriending them. They will no longer be notified about your story updates. Say you’re tightening privacy and only allowing family to view stories if questioned. This can create distance without ending the friendship if you only interacted via stories.
Take a Friendship Break
Suggest taking a set period of time where you take a full break from interacting on social media or messaging apps. Say you need some space to focus on yourself, or that you’re trying to spend less time online. Promise to check in after the set period of time, like a month or two. They will be less surprised if you remove them as a best friend after coming back from this, and may have naturally distanced themselves during the break too.
Unfriend or Unfollow Completely
If nothing else has worked, you may need to fully unfriend or unfollow them completely across all platforms. This is the most obvious sign that you want distance and should only be used as a last resort. Explain that you are reevaluating all your friendships and social circles if you want to soften the blow a little. While awkward, it is better to be direct in cases where subtle hints are not getting received. Just know this friend is likely to be upset.
Tell Them Directly
Have a candid conversation where you explain your desire to step back from such an intense friendship. You can say you value them as a person but feel your relationship has become unhealthy or overly dependent. Make it clear you have to do what’s best for you and your mental health right now. Offer to still be friends in a more casual capacity, and reassure them it’s not personal. This will sting, but clearly communicating your needs is better than ghosting.
When Is It Appropriate to Remove Someone as a Best Friend?
There are certain situations where it becomes appropriate to downgrade or remove a best friend status:
– When the friendship becomes toxic or abusive
– When one person develops unrequited romantic feelings
– When your lives no longer align due to major changes like marriage, children, moving away, etc.
– When the friendship stops feeling reciprocal and becomes one-sided
– When you find yourself constantly competing with or jealous of them
– When the friendship is based on unhealthy behaviors like gossip, substance abuse, etc.
– When your values, interests or priorities no longer align
– When the friendship stops making you feel good about yourself
As long as you handle it with care, maturity and honesty, removing best friend status because a friendship has run its course or become unhealthy is okay. Friendships naturally evolve and change over time. The key is communicating openly so feelings are not hurt as much as possible.
Ways to Remove Someone as a Best Friend
If you have determined it is time to remove someone’s best friend status, here are some tactful ways to go about it:
Gradually Create Distance
– Respond less frequently to their messages and calls
– Decline invitations to get together 1 on 1
– Stop commenting or liking their social media posts
– Quote being “busy” when asked to hang out
This subtle approach slowly pulls back on contact and intimacy levels. Over time, your interactions will fade naturally.
Have an Honest Dialogue
– Explain you need more space and less intensity in the friendship
– Highlight how lives/values are no longer aligned
– Stress how the change is because of you, not them
– Make it clear the friendship is not ending entirely
Direct communication prevents confusion and minimizes hurt feelings as much as possible.
Unfollow Their Social Media Accounts
– Unfollow their posts from your main newsfeed
– Remove them from your “close friends” stories
– Stop viewing their stories or liking their posts
This is less confrontational than unfriending entirely. It creates distance online first.
Phase Them Out of In-Person Activities
– Decline 1 on 1 invitations but say yes to group events
– Get busy when they ask to make plans
– Stop telling them about your life updates or new interests
Pulling back on private hangouts prevents intense bonding. Group settings are safer.
Take a Friendship Break
– Explain you need a set period of no contact to recalibrate
– Promise to check in again in a few weeks/months
– Wish them well and thank them for understanding
This turns down the friendship intensity dial for a short defined period.
Unfriend/Block Completely
– Remove them as a friend/follower on all platforms
– Delete/block their number from your phone
– Avoid places they frequent like bars, clubs, etc
This severing of ties should only be used for toxic/abusive relationships.
How to Manage Mutual Friends During and After
Ending a close friendship can be complicated by mutual friends. Here are some tips for handling that awkward dynamic:
Keep Things Private
Don’t gossip to mutual friends about the reasons for your faded friendship. Take the high road. The details are private and badmouthing will only make things worse.
Hang Out in Groups
Suggest group outings to mutual friends to avoid 1 on 1 time where they might grill you. There’s safety in numbers!
Communicate Your Boundaries
Kindly tell mutual friends not to mediate or try to “fix” things between you and your ex-best friend. Say you’re handling it privately.
Don’t Make Demands
It’s unfair to ask mutual friends to “pick sides.” Don’t demand that they stop hanging out with your ex-BFF.
Avoid Trash Talking
Take care not to insult or speak negatively about your ex-BFF to mutual friends. You’ll come across as petty and immature if you trash talk them.
Give Space
Understand mutual friends may need time to adjust to your new friendship dynamics separately from you. Allow them space.
Set Aside Differences
In group settings, be kind to your ex-BFF. Avoid drama or tension for the comfort of the group.
Reframe the Story
Instead of saying you “broke up” focus on growing apart or how the friendship ran its course naturally.
How to Recover and Move On
Losing a best friend can be painful. Here are tips for healing:
Let Yourself Feel
– Give yourself time and space to fully process the loss of the friendship.
– Confide in other trusted friends about your feelings.
– Cry, journal, reflect on memories – feel your feelings.
Remove Reminders
– Take down old photos with them.
– Throw away gifts from them.
– Unfollow and delete them on social media.
Fill Your Schedule
– Spend more time on hobbies, interests, career goals.
– Make plans with other friends and family.
– Take a trip or class to try something new.
Practice Self-Care
– Treat yourself with rest, healthy eating, exercise.
– Do relaxing activities like baths, massages, meditation.
– Prioritize your needs and well-being.
Forgive and Reflect
– Once the hurt fades, forgive them and yourself.
– Reflect on what you learned from the friendship.
– Wish them well silently. Consider writing a forgiveness letter.
Healthy Friendship Boundaries to Set Moving Forward
Once you recover, set these healthy boundaries in new friendships:
Limit Over-Sharing
Keep personal details, secrets and private matters more protected. Over-disclosure can create unhealthy enmeshment.
Don’t Cancel Other Plans
Don’t continually prioritize new friends over pre-existing plans. Stick to commitments.
Rotate Friend Groups
Split time between several social groups, rather than only spending time with one new bestie.
Take Space
Check in with yourself frequently about your needs. Take space when required.
Keep Perspective
Remember friendships fluctuate. Don’t view new friends as permanent fixtures.
Limit Digital Contact
Interact more in person vs digitally. Constant messaging can be smothering.
Don’t Gossip
Avoid trash talking or revealing private details about other friends. Loyalty is key.
Value Yourself
Reflect positive qualities back to yourself. Don’t base your worth on friendships.
In Closing
Removing a best friend is difficult but sometimes necessary. Be gradual, communicate directly when needed, and recalibrate other friendships slowly. Take time to heal afterwards, forgive, set boundaries, and carry lessons forward. With care and courage, you can downgrade a friendship in a healthy manner. Focus on your long-term well-being during and after this transition. You will get through it and come out wiser.